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| Picture of two friends |
Have you ever asked yourself this question?
A person could impose solitary upon himself because of low self-esteem: a feeling that no one will accept him or her for who s/he is, a feeling that (s)he is not enough for himself or herself let alone another person. Above all else, people who have been prey to disappointments and betrayal from friends choose solitude as a defence mechanism. Solitude over time becomes a pleasurable state when it's outrightly practised. Nonetheless, a solitary sometimes wants someone who could make them feel the joy in the interpersonal personal relationship called friendship, but the fear of getting hurt impedes a solitary. And, fear is so acrid that it could dilapidate any relationship.
The process of choosing a friend can be very intricate for people who know how friendship works. The word “friend” is one of the hackneyed and misused words overtimes. People don't understand the weight of that word, to say the least. Friendship goes beyond the smiley faces on Snapchat Videos, showing one's twerk skill. It's beyond having people to hang out with when it's time for parties. A friend can be likened to your sibling; in fact, a friend could be greater than your sibling depending on the ties you share with the aforementioned. Friendship is a relationship formed by intentionality while siblinghood is imposed by nature: you can't choose a brother or a sister, but you can always choose a friend. A friend can only be greater than your sibling when friendship is a missing factor in the familial equation. Before anyone could overtly call a person a friend, there should be a conviction that's been established. A FRIENDSHIP with no conviction is an ENDSHIP. Why do you call a person a friend, yet you feel insecure around the person? You can't even inform the person about the positive turnaround your life is about to witness because you feel (s)he may hamper it. In a room where insecurity whispers, distrust has already been making a boisterous sound—and, trust is the bedrock of a friendship. In almost every culture, people are warned against being overly open to a friend. That way, the application of caution is advised in friendship.
The use of caution in a friendship contradicts its meaning. Applying caution creates a mental picture: you know there's a danger in this relationship, but watching your steps can avert or reduce the danger. This defies what friendship stands for; it should be a safe harbour.
Many times, we see people who call themselves friends demean the importance of the other person before others after a fallout, and we begin to wonder if that's what friendship carries: going about cussing a friend after a disagreement. Some even go further by exposing the secrets their “friends” had shared with them. This is an inhumane act, therefore; whosoever does it is capable of murder. Whoever did this was never a friend from the beginning. The fallout was only an opportunity for him or her to unbottle the buried bitterness. Friends are repositories for secrets. Whatever two friends share should remain within the walls of their friendship, even after a fallout.
Choosing a friend is a very challenging thing because a friend should basically be a person you surrender to. It's a pity our generation doesn't know the basics. They celebrate quantity over quality, then come back to yell about a “friend” or “friends” who keep disappointing them. Friendship is not a race, it's meant to be ace, if not perfect. Now, I ask you: who are your friends? who is your friend?
What do you think??
Read: Is Asking A Girl or A Woman Her Age Rude?
About the Author
Ifenaike Ifedapo Ayomipo is a Nigerian writer whose works have been published or are forthcoming on The Quills, The Transit Lit Magazine, Naija Mad Hotstars, Kalahari Review, IceFloe Press, CovidHQ Africa, Shallow Tales Review, Institutionalized Review, Whetstone Magazine and elsewhere. Also, he's a promising Educationist and public speaker.